My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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