Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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