I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
