Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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