just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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