Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
