Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
