We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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