Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it because I queefed?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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