he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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