don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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