I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
