You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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