I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
