Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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