that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
