Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
