Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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