take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
