My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
