she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
