your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
