evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Who died my cat blue again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
