mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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