Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
