It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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