You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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