come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
