your thong is hanging out like whoa
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
