We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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