Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
being pregnant is like rehab
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How does one acquire holy water?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
