Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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