This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
