Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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