I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Someone signed my nipple.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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