You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
