The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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