I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
