smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
