And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
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Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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