Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
