So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want nice things and good sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
