Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize