I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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