He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There are leaves in my underwear?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
