I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
