He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
