Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
