i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
