I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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