All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
