I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
