lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
