Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
