I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
