I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
