im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my shit smells like andre
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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