she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm passing your future prison.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
