She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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