We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have feelings that need drinking.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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