You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
